Circuition 

My sister Mikala became pregnant in the spring of 2017.  It was a genuine shock to her 22 year old self because she wasn’t trying to conceive and certainly wasn’t prepared for all the responsibilities that come with being a parent.  My family and I thought for sure my sister wasn’t in a position to have a child.  She had spend the last few years lost and isolated and there were times we thought life was just going to wash her away and she’d be taken from us forever.

I watched her, for nine months, grow from 95 pounds of nothing to 120 pounds of a little something.  Each month of her pregnancy brought her closer to the family again and we were starting to become more hopeful of her future.  She was looking healthier, taking more pride in her self image and forming better habits.  I was pleasantly astounded by how open she had become with us.  Even through all the progress my sister had made, my mother and I had our reservations.  She had been diagnosed with a mental illness when she was a teenager and it was a big reason why she started making unhealthy choices.  We were aware of the high rate of postpartum depression in mothers who suffered from mental illness and were concerned this debilitating condition might hijack my sisters progress.  We tried to establish a plan of action.  My mother talked briefly about moving my sister and her boyfriend in with them but there wasn’t enough room in her and my fathers congested mobile home.  My family realized we were going to have to handle this situation on our toes.

At 9 a.m. on Feb. 3, She started feeling the early signs of labor.  She was in the hospital within the hour but it would prove to be a long day and harrowing night.  My sister spent the whole day managing her contractions well, they were very far apart and it was clear by the afternoon that we were all in for a long night.  My sister sat in the hospital bed, getting up to walk once in a while in hopes to increase labor, as family members poured in and out of the hospital room all day.  Daylight faded into moonlight and the contractions got more intense.  Eventually, even the epidural couldn’t suppress the pain.  My sister spent the early hours of Feb. 4 writhing in pain.  My mother, my sisters boyfriend and myself sat helplessly beside her, watching her suffer knowing there was nothing we could do.  This was something she had to go through, a journey only she could complete.  Every difficulty, pain, anxiety and panic she had experienced as a lost young girl in the last few years were being manifested in this one night.  We didn’t know if she was strong enough to overcome it all again.  And then she did.  There was this slimy pale little alien like creature whining on her chest and all the bad was gone.  I watched this little human quietly respond to my sisters whimpers from across the room where they were weighing her and cleaning her up.  She was aware of every noise my sister made, as if she was still tethered to her.  It was a moment of bond I will never forget.

My baby niece is now almost four months old and the bond between her and my sister has grown stronger.  It has been an amazing experience to watch my sister grow in this way and overcome her past and the obstacles that were in her way.  As her big sister I have always tried to guide her and be the person she needed but I realize now there is nothing I could have done.  My sister needed to find the strength inside her to overcome her obstacles.  My baby niece is the person who has given her a whole new reason to live and thrive.  A new understanding of life.  It’s been about a year since her life changed completely and I never could have imagined her becoming the person she is now.  I have a new hope for her future and feel like I have a sister again.

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